I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
