is your mom at the bar?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
