I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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