Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
