I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
