he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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