the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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