Already got asked if we're dating
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
