Porn is love you can see.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You made out with two different species that night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
