his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
