You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
