The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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