nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
