Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nutella sex= disaster
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
