Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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