College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
