I'm going to jail i love you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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