Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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