Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
