On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
