Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
