I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
