I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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