It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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