Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
