He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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