ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
