i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
