the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
be right there i have to get my cape
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
