Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
