Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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