I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I smell like Dick and happiness
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
