Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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