that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
