She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
