That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
