Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
