All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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