The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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