i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize