some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
