people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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