time to smoke my breakfast
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
