Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
