my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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