you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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