is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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