wat bout pragnant strippers??
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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