when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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