Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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