he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
