I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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