im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
