you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
