dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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