I just gift wrapped bread.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
