I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just high enough for therapy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
