I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Found the puke drawer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How naked do you want me to be?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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