only you would photoshop your dick
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Vodka?
Forever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize