My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just invented taco cereal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize