after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
