You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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