duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize