he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Pooping to opera.
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