I'm really into asian looking animals
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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