I'm jealous of your bromance
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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