I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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