Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
