Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
