i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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