If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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