I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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