I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
